It’s been two days since my arrival, and even as the wondrous adventures of Earth call to me, I have found myself paralyzed with fear. Instead of going out to explore and meet other humans, I step outside and find my skin crawls with something the Bohemian Queen tells me is fear. Unless it could also be that I am having an allergic reaction to oxygen which is quite plausible. The atmosphere has definitely taken some getting used to.
After my encounter with the feeling I asked her what exactly fear was. She paused for a moment, took a breath as if to prepare her answer, then laughed lightly shaking her head. She told me we had better sit down.
Safely tucked away in the cozy den that is her library she proceeded to explain to me about fear. She told me it is sort of a concept, not something we can quite put our hands on. I asked if there were others and she proceeded on to tell me many, describing as best she could what feelings they generated and what the said emotions might make us do. The one that most intrigued me was the concept of something she called love.
She had grown quite quiet at it’s mention and gazed rather distantly into the many bindings of stories that sat upon her shelves.
“Love,” She told me. “Is something that will most likely be studied until the end of time whether it be conscious study or blissfully unaware. Love will always be unique to the one who creates it, and will not rest until it is given to the person, place or thing that it is intended for.”
“You give it away?” I had asked her incredulously. “It sounds so precious though. Why must you give it away?”
“It will drive you mad if you don’t. Love is a very powerful drug, and it confuses everything rational. Nothing else matters when you have love in your heart. You will do crazy things, almost anything for something that you love.”
I asked her if she had been in love and she smiled but a sort of wetness began to form in her eyes and spilled out onto her cheeks. This rather confused me. I had thought that she had only said not too long ago when describing happy and sad, a smile would show if a person felt joy and tears would show a person felt sad. She saw my confusion and as if she could read my thoughts said, “Both, or so I like to think, is a sign that something was or is beautiful. In my case it was.”
I like to think that I am a advanced intelligent life form, but this stumped me. In all my travels to many galaxies and even universes I had never found something as complex as these concepts we spoke of. Back on my planet we live rather simply. Without feelings or these oddly bothersome emotions we live quite harmoniously. I am beginning to think it is a myth that humans find peace on Earth at all with how many thoughts and urges they have to control in themselves and towards others.
“It takes a lot of bravery to fall in love.” She continued on to tell me, “The first time it happens and you find it, you feel like the most divine spirit that has ever touched face of the Earth. Sadly though, there is not one person I’ve known who has felt real love and lived with it perfectly the rest of their lives.
“The danger in mankind lies not in his capabilities, but in his will. A person may have no other desire than to understand another soul and to feel the pure physical joy of intimacy that being needed provides. But even if one comes to know another – they need not love them. At the end of it all you don’t owe anything to anyone, nor they to you.” She took another deep breathe and smiled at me.
I asked her who it was she loved.
“It wasn’t a who that I was in love with. It was something that gave me oxygen. Something that made me feel like I could fly even with my feet still on the ground. I loved something so hard that it broke me and left me lost because I had given it everything. That saddest part of it all? I still love it to this day.”
I became quite uncomfortable as she choked on sobs and smiled through it all. It disgusted me in a way, to see the self destruction of what human can do to itself. Yet somehow I still found myself touched at the beauty of her courage to love something so whole, even after it had clearly broken her.
That evening I came to admire the brave souls who seek love, but at the same I pity those who know as I do now the immeasurable amount of pain you risk in doing so. It seems to be worse than physical body pain. It is your soul you risk wounding.
So now I, Guspacho, have learned my first lesson on this planet. The concept of love is something fascinating. I doubt I am capable of experiencing it myself, but it won’t stop me from my attempts to study it alongside these other concepts that have given me courage to get out of this cabin and face the complex world that waits outside it’s door.
Wish me luck!
May we grow together in peace,