Posted in Guspacho

Guspacho Gets a Job


Greetings again fair humans!

What seems to be a very world wide adjusted social norm, that has now demanded my obedience as well, is that you may not have.. well… anything unless you have a type of payment to buy it with.

Now the concept isn’t completely absurd. Actually to me it is, but I can see that with the human urges to possess and claim things a system like this has come to be and seems to be deemed a fair way of the world.

My only deep thought on this matter is when exactly did it happen. At what point did a man who lives on Earth made for every other man turn to the other and demand that he pay him some sort of compensation for the land where he has built his home. His life.

Food I can understand. The time and energy it takes to grow gardens combined with the population inevitably increasing, sharing with your starved neighbor would have a limit of some sort regardless of how high your capacity for generosity is.

Yet now I have discovered you pay for things that are dangerously labeled food!

That is right.

With the cost of living on this planet and my determination to stay and learn more about humanity and the world I found it necessary I get a job.

When looking for a place to work becoming likable in the short span of a fifteen minute “personal interview” I have found you are more likely to succeed when you do not ask the interviewer personal questions about life, death and the meaning of existence.

I of course did not mean to send hard working citizens into anxiety attacks, paralyze them with a serious existential crises or simply make myself “abnormal.” I was just making conversation, because really. I love to hear from humans experiencing it first hand just what they believe their journey is about.

Needless to say after many applications and surprisingly short interviews, the only place that was willing to accept me to their cooperation was an apparently very popular fast food restaurant.

I haven’t actually started the job yet, but they have given me a very atrocious outfit they told me was uniform and I am expected to show up to work tomorrow afternoon wearing the retched thing. I of course will oblige, but more so for the sake of being able to live on the planet independently.

I fear I may be feeling my first human-like emotion…

I feel a small bit of excitement that one day even I, an outsider from this world, can legally own a piece of the Earth.

May we continue to grow together in peace.


Posted in Guspacho

Guspacho Experiences Coffee


As I write this I plead for your sympathy. I am shut in a small bedroom with heavy blankets hung over the windows. It is near pitch black yet my extraterrestrial eyes see through the darkness as if it were day.

The reason I have enclosed myself in this space is because the silent blackness of it is the only thing I have found can lessen the pain. I believe I am dying. Every bit of light, every noise (including the sound of dust settling on the bedside table) produces a pulsating pain through out my brain that I have never known before.

The Bohemian Queen says I won’t die and seems to mock me while laughing. She claims she is familiar with the throbbing feeling and says it will pass and though I don’t have the full amount of faith in recovery as she does, I suppose I should be appreciating her optimism.

I am realizing now that my senses must have higher levels of sensitivity. Whether it is because I am new to this planet and this form I have taken, or perhaps in space we are not as exposed to the filth that litters the Earth. There are planets I have heard of that I have made note never to go to because of this reason. Their toxic air and germ infested waters keep all but native inhabitants on their lands.

I don’t believe I am wrong in this statement, but I am the first outsider to have visited Earth in over fifty of it’s revolutions around the sun. It had been such a trend at the time, swooping in on the newest model space craft, freaking out the humans thinking we have come to destroy the planet. We would never of course. I mean I am sure there are some out there who would love to, but there are laws and etiquette’s in space just like any proper galaxy.

This is all off topic though. I apologize I got carried away, but thinking of home is the only distraction from the throbbing throughout my body. Let me explain to you exactly how I came to this condition.

Every morning I observed the Bohemian Queen would start off her day with an oddly murky water made from a bunch of crushed up beans. The aroma carries throughout the entire cabin and it’s smell never failed to wake the first of my eight senses.

My first sip of this bean water could be described as nothing other than glorious. Rich like car oil and strongly pungent on my taste buds. Even though I have taken a human body as a disguise, the effect of the caffeine affected me much more than it would a regular person. Sweet adrenaline. Something powerful and exciting and I wanted more of it.

It turns out coffee is like a drug to aliens. I had forty eight cups of coffee that day, two by the hour. I of course did not sleep nor did I want to. I just wanted more. So the next day I doubled that and I had ninety six cups. The life form that I am could take it, but the weak human body could not. The coffee’s acidity began to deteriorate my insides and quite quickly.  This is when the pain began.

The Bohemian Queen told me if I wanted to disguise myself in human form I would need to allow the body time to heal, which meant no more coffee. As much as I loved the substance, I saw no real need of it so I agreed.

My first hour without it was tolerable. The lights seemed a little too bright, but the sun is the largest burning star in the milky way galaxy. I couldn’t be upset about that.

Then after the second hour the headache kicked in. It was all very downhill from there and I can’t even begin to describe the process.

It’s been a full twenty four hours and I sit here now writing instructions for how I want a funeral to be conducted on the side of this entry. The bohemian Queen tells me it will surely not come to that point, but I guess we will have to see.

Hopefully this is not the end…

…May we continue to grow together in peace…


(P.S. I am NEVER drinking that evil bean water of lies AGAIN.)

Posted in Guspacho

Guspacho Learns and Tries to Understand the Concept of Love


It’s been two days since my arrival, and even as the wondrous adventures of Earth call to me, I have found myself paralyzed with fear. Instead of going out to explore and meet other humans, I step outside and find my skin crawls with something the Bohemian Queen tells me is fear. Unless it could also be that I am having an allergic reaction to oxygen which is quite plausible. The atmosphere has definitely taken some getting used to.

After my encounter with the feeling I asked her what exactly fear was. She paused for a moment, took a breath as if to prepare her answer, then laughed lightly shaking her head. She told me we had better sit down.

Safely tucked away in the cozy den that is her library she proceeded to explain to me about fear. She told me it is sort of a concept, not something we can quite put our hands on. I asked if there were others and  she proceeded on to tell me many, describing as best she could what feelings they generated and what the said emotions might make us do. The one that most intrigued me was the concept of something she called love.

She had grown quite quiet at it’s mention and gazed rather distantly into the many bindings of stories that sat upon her shelves.

“Love,” She told me. “Is something that will most likely be studied until the end of time whether it be conscious study or blissfully unaware. Love will always be unique to the one who creates it, and will not rest until it is given to the person, place or thing that it is intended for.”

“You give it away?” I had asked her incredulously. “It sounds so precious though. Why must you give it away?”

“It will drive you mad if you don’t. Love is a very powerful drug, and it confuses everything rational. Nothing else matters when you have love in your heart. You will do crazy things, almost anything for something that you love.”

I asked her if she had been in love and she smiled but a sort of wetness began to form in her eyes and spilled out onto her cheeks. This rather confused me. I had thought that she had only said not too long ago when describing happy and sad, a smile would show if a person felt joy and tears would show a person felt sad. She saw my confusion and as if she could read my thoughts said, “Both, or so I like to think, is a sign that something was or is beautiful. In my case it was.”

I like to think that I am a advanced intelligent life form, but this stumped me. In all my travels to many galaxies and even universes I had never found something as complex as these concepts we spoke of. Back on my planet we live rather simply. Without feelings or these oddly bothersome emotions we live quite harmoniously. I am beginning to think it is a myth that humans find peace on Earth at all with how many thoughts and urges they have to control in themselves and towards others.

“It takes a lot of bravery to fall in love.” She continued on to tell me, “The first time it happens and you find it, you feel like the most divine spirit that has ever touched face of the Earth. Sadly though, there is not one person I’ve known who has felt real love and lived with it perfectly the rest of their lives.

“The danger in mankind lies not in his capabilities, but in his will. A person may have no other desire than to understand another soul and to feel the pure physical joy of intimacy that being needed provides. But even if one comes to know another – they need not love them. At the end of it all you don’t owe anything to anyone, nor they to you.” She took another deep breathe and smiled at me.

I asked her who it was she loved.

“It wasn’t a who that I was in love with. It was something that gave me oxygen. Something that made me feel like I could fly even with my feet still on the ground. I loved something so hard that it broke me and left me lost because I had given it everything. That saddest part of it all? I still love it to this day.”

I became quite uncomfortable as she choked on sobs and smiled through it all. It disgusted me in a way, to see the self destruction of what human can do to itself. Yet somehow I still found myself touched at the beauty of her courage to love something so whole, even after it had clearly broken her.

That evening I came to admire the brave souls who seek love, but at the same I pity those who know as I do now the immeasurable amount of pain you risk in doing so. It seems to be worse than physical body pain. It is your soul you risk wounding.

So now I, Guspacho, have learned my first lesson on this planet. The concept of love is something fascinating. I doubt I am capable of experiencing it myself, but it won’t stop me from my attempts to study it alongside these other concepts that have given me courage to get out of this cabin and face the complex world that waits outside it’s door.

Wish me luck!

May we grow together in peace,


Posted in Guspacho

Greetings Internet, I am Guspacho


Hello Humanoids.

My name is Guspacho (pronounced GOO-SPA-CHO) or at least that is what your Bohemian Queen has titled me.

We are not given names where I am from. When we are created we are what we are and if we are not sure what that is, we are who we become.

I believe a phrase many of you use is “Time is of the essence.” In any case we go by quite the opposite in my galaxy. Time envelopes your reality which I really find quite fascinating. Upon my arrival was the first time in my existence at being introduced to a clock.

Earth is the first place I have visited where the concept of measuring ones journey on a planet is a deed done by nearly every advanced organism. Humans are of course not the first to have done so, but on so large a scale you have surpassed by far.

I will delve into further observations later, for now, I am getting to the purpose of this passage.

I was always aware of Earth’s existence, but my visit is more of an accident than a pre-determined trip. Even then I would go on to say it’s more so fate than a mere accident.

My space ship The Spacechapo began to malfunction as I was passing over on my way to Venus. (A gorgeous planet by the way you really MUST take a vacation there sometime.) Myself and other species aboard landed in a clearing of a dense forest hoping not to be spotted. Being very technically challenged I decided to wander as the others began to repair the Spacechapo. This is where I met the Bohemian Queen.

I believe it was I who was the more startled. She had apparently seen my ship’s lights flashing neon purple above the dark heavens. She decided to go discover what was emitting the strange beams as she watched them disappear below the tree line.

She was very sincere in her request to have me over for midnight tea, so I obliged and followed her back to a cozy cabin in the woods. After and entire pot of jasmine green we came to an agreement.

I had grown an unquenchable thirst to learn and grow with Earth and it’s inhabitants. It had become an experience I deemed necessary. After speaking with her she had me in love with places I had never been and with people I had never met. This passion came just from the stories she told of her own journey here on Earth.

She told me she would be more than grateful to provide me her home as my shelter and all else I needed for as long as I wished with one and only one condition.

I am to write on her blog as often as I can regarding my observations of humans and of other things that I learn as my experience on Earth expands. An offer like this I just couldn’t refuse!

And so internet, this concludes my brief passage. I look forward to learning about you as well as telling you more about myself for however long my journey on Earth may be.

May we grow together in peace,